Mitzi and Teddy Hit Montreal, Eh?

Teddy Tedaloo tries the famous smoked meat sandwich at Schwartz's

Teddy Tedaloo tries the famous smoked meat sandwich at Schwartz’s

Right, that’s it – I’m moving! I’ve been to a lot of cities (and I’ve lived in a lot of cities), and I will say this: if you like food – good food – and food from every conceivable place on the planet, you’ve got to be in Montreal. If you want someone to cook it, you’ll find a restaurant that has it. If you want to cook it yourself, you’ll find a supermarket that has anything you’d ever want or need – and you don’t have to go broke to get it either.

Alas, poor Yorick!

Alas, poor Yorick!

After all this high praise, I’ll be polite and not discuss the Quebec drivers. I think someone must’ve really got on the wrong side of these guys.

I’ll also be polite and not bang on about the traffic jams or the endless road construction or the collapsing overpasses. (You didn’t hear any of this from me, you got it?)

But hey, Montreal has mayoral candidate Richard Bergeron! In fact, we even ran into him (though not with our car). It felt as if we were meeting an old mate, what with his mug being plastered on every street corner in the city. Oy, and what a mug! Now I ask you – would you buy a used Chevy from this man?

Dodgy mayoral candidate for Montreal

Dodgy mayoral candidate for Montreal

Mind you, I’m thinking I should have a chat avec Monsieur Bergeron about the complete load of bollocks I was given crossing the Canadian border. I must have been saddled with a seriously bored border control agent, since he appeared to want to hang about and chew the fat with me all afternoon, grilling me about everything from who my friends in Montreal were to who owned the vehicle I was driving. (You’d have thought I was the driver who had an arm dangling from the rear of the car!) Heck, I’m surprised the guy didn’t ask what brand of antiperspirant I use! I notice he didn’t ask my famous bear Teddy Tedaloo any questions. Like, what’s up with that, eh?

It was all I could do to keep our Ted from biting him. (I have no idea what the penalty is in Canada for bears biting border service agents, and I didn’t wish to find out.) All I can say is, if you lot want tourist dollars to be spent in your country (or province), this is definitely not the way to go about it. And here I thought it was the American border agents who go all John Wayne on you when it comes to entering the country. Oddly enough, I had a very warm welcome on the way back when crossing into New York. Maybe the fellow was a fan of mine. He did address me by my first name as if he knew me.

I guess it’s a good thing I wasn’t heading up to Canada for the book launch of my new novel The Wilde Passions of Dorian Gray. Can you imagine the panic that would have ensued at the border crossing? I mean, the book hasn’t even been published yet! (That doesn’t mean you can’t pre-order it from Amazon – so what are you waiting for?) I’d have been taking my life in my hands if I hadn’t come armed (maybe “armed” isn’t the right word to use in this context) with an autographed copy for the border services agent. Hey, maybe that was his problem – I didn’t give him a free book! You’d be amazed by how weird people can get when they meet an author and aren’t given freebies.

Mitzi Szereto and Teddy Tedaloo high above Montreal

Mitzi Szereto and Teddy Tedaloo high above Montreal

Anyway, it’s not me who’s important here.

Teddy Tedaloo at Musee des Beaux Arts

Teddy Tedaloo at Musee des Beaux Arts

The official star of the show was Teddy Tedaloo, whom everyone was expecting. Our official Quebec hosts in the section of Montreal known as “Peter’s Bottom” (I’m not even going to try to explain this) were initially his friends, not mine. In fact, our host was a fluffy white cockapoo with a penchant for raising his hind leg whenever it suited him. He and Teddy got on like a house on fire. Mind you, everyone gets on with Teddy like a house on fire. Even a trip to the Musee des Beaux Arts was filled with members of the Teddy Tedaloo Admiration Society. One of the security guards insisted upon a formal introduction, offering Ted a hearty handshake along with the compliment that it was good to see a bear who appreciated fine art.

As for me, no one was really that bothered save for my new best friend at border control. Having said that, if he’s reading this, he’d better not be expecting a free autographed copy of my new book any time soon!

As for Montreal, I can’t wait to return and get cracking with some serious eating!

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15 Responses to “Mitzi and Teddy Hit Montreal, Eh?”

  1. Donna Johnson Says:

    Chalky & Cuddles Mummy here! that’s a Corned Beef on Rye Sandwich! (known as Salt Beef in UK) oh! yiddish food come back! xxx

  2. mitzi Says:

    This was beyond any corned beef we’ve ever had. Fabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Lise Jobin Says:

    Real cute and clever and true too

  4. Donna Johnson Says:

    There’s no where here to get salt beef other than Brick Lane in London! too far from here!

  5. mitzi Says:

    Not much on offer near me either. This place is famous – and believe me when I say it is unlike any other. I bet NYC can’t even compare – and that’s saying something!

  6. mitzi Says:

    I never saw any salt beef in Brick Lane. Trust me on that.

  7. mitzi Says:


  8. TourGuideTed Says:

    Good to see you Teddy, but you might want to remind Mama it’s ALL about you! 😉 But, you’re a good bear and if Mama wants all the attention (even if only at border crossings) it’s good of you to let her take the glory.

    Nice to hear about Montreal, a city I know very little about…I’ll be sure to take the bus! Or maybe get a chauffeur.

  9. mitzi Says:

    It is, indeed, all about Teddy! He never fails to remind me of that fact!

  10. Madeline Moore Says:

    Re Montreal drivers: Here in Ontario, we call the Ontario/Quebec border the “starting line.”

  11. mitzi Says:

    I must admit, when I crossed into Ontario I breathed a sigh of relief!

  12. Steve Gifford Says:

    That’s my buddy Teddy and his Mama!! What a pair!!

  13. mitzi Says:


  14. Anna Loan-Wilsey Says:

    I lived in Montreal for 2 years and you’re absolutely right about the food (and the drivers). Did you try to Poutine? I still dream about it…

  15. mitzi Says:

    I never got to try the Poutine!

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