Errant Ramblings: Mitzi Szereto’s Weblog

Teddy Tedaloo receives his advance copies of Pride and Prejudice: Hidden Lusts

Step right up and enter to win a chance to receive a pre-publication copy of my raunchy and outrageous new novel, Pride and Prejudice: Hidden Lusts! The book won’t be out till July, but if you fancy a sneak preview, speak now or forever hold your peace! (Or whatever it is you prefer to hold…)

For more details on how to enter, please visit the official Pride and Prejudice: Hidden Lusts website. Oh yeah, and while you’re at it, you can become a fan on Facebook and keep up with all the news! After all, you don’t want to be left behind, do you?

Well, I suppose it was inevitable: I’d have to screw up somewhere. And what better place to do so than right in front of a video camera for the entire world to see? Okay, I could have kept it hidden, saved my professional pride. But that would be cheating.

And you don’t want me to cheat, do you?

Because sometimes even Mitzi doesn’t get it right!

Mitzi Szereto at Mitzi TV "Born To Be Wild" video shoot

Mitzi TV head to the pastoral English countryside for some peace and relaxation, only to get a lot more than they bargained for when a hoard of Harley Davidson riders descends on their quiet country hotel.

Mitzi Szereto at Mitzi TV "Knees Up Mother Brown" video shoot

Mitzi TV go for a right old knees-up at a proper authentic English “local”, The Duke of Kendal pub in Central London, where all forms of madness ensue. From colourful characters to rude Cockney songs and operatic arias, this is English eccentricity at its very finest!

Visit the official Mitzi TV website at: http://mitziszereto.com/tv

Mitzi Szereto interviews an Austin Healey for Mitzi TV

Mitzi TV heads to the Connaught Village Spring Festival in London, encountering some cool cars and the likes of Batman, Fred Flintstone, Formula 1 racecar driver and BBC Television’s “Top Gear” and “Fifth Gear” presenter Tiff Needell, and Carrie Bradshaw’s favourite couture shoe designer Jimmy Choo!

Visit the official Mitzi TV website at: http://mitziszereto.com/tv

Mitzi Szereto presenting Mitzi TV

Mitzi TV goes on the prowl in London in search of the famous East End Cockney delicacy, the jellied eel… (Turns out these scary denizens of the deep weren’t our cup of tea. We should’ve ordered the pie and mash instead!)

Visit the official Mitzi TV website at: http://mitziszereto.com/tv

My Dear Mitzi,

Were it in my humble ability to express to you all that dwells in my heart…  Should you choose to accept my love and accept me into your life, I shall be rich beyond my wildest imaginings! Dare I ask you to be so generous as to consider the joys such a union would bring?

My Dear Mr. Yoog,

Whilst I appreciate your keen devotion to me, I must hereby inform you that my heart shall never belong to you. Although I admire your persistence, I fear, sir, it is a persistence that eats away at me like a pestilence. Your attentions were neither sought nor solicited, nor are they the least bit desired. Therefore I besiege you to kindly desist from darkening my doorstep.

My Darling Girl,

Oh, such harsh words you fling at me! Surely they are not warranted? What dire deed have I committed to deserve such scathing punishment from your sweet lips? Indeed, I merely sought your attentions! I am an honourable suitor. Pray, do not heed the slander being perpetrated by such sinister characters who seek to besmirch the good name of “Yoog”!

Sir,

Your reputation is of a highly unsavoury nature and, indeed, very well deserved, were I to believe the wealth of evidence against you – which I do! Can such a tide of protestations with regard to your questionable attentions be mere fabrication? I fear not. Ergo I shall put forth my request once more: kindly cease posthaste from forcing your attentions upon my person, lest I set the dogs on you!

My Fragrant Flower,

How it pains me to be the victim of such feminine callousness! I have only sought your love, and my intentions are wholly honourable. Is this a crime? I know that you are in possession of a tender heart. Is it so impossible to provide a place for me within it? I am first and foremost a gentleman. Perhaps I err in the enthusiasm of my passions, but rest assured that I am faithful in my quest to win your hand.

Mr. Yoog,

Faithful? Sir, if such fidelity extends to the hands of many, it is a fidelity I do not seek! I cannot speak any more plainly than I already have. Despite my most valiant efforts to rid myself of your noisome presence, you stubbornly persist in following me about. You are a clever villain, indeed. For within moments of my removing you from one location you suddenly reappear in another. Not even the counsel of the most sage of experts can provide me with relief. You are driving me to despair!

Dearest Treasure,

Open your arms and take me to your bosom! Let us both partake of the happiness and joy I offer. Prithee, do not fight me, for I shan’t go away!

Yoog,

I shall fight you with every breath I have! If I must destroy everything in the process, so be it, but be rid of you I shall!

My Lovely One,

Your spirit is admirable, my dear lady, yet it is no match for Yoog! For as you have already acknowledged, I am clever – far more clever than any mere woman! Abandon your struggle before it is too late, and the destruction you make reference to shall truly come to pass.

C%&$@#*%?rM#%&$rF*%$#rB*?#%@d!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have tried my patience long enough. Upon your head be it!

My Good Woman,

Do your worst!

C%&$@#*%?rM#%&$rF*%$#rB*?#%@d!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I shall, indeed, do my worst. I have spied you hiding in my preferences file. Oh yes, you are clever, for no sooner do I remove you and replace you with your nemesis Mr. Google than you reappear yet again. I now see that more stringent measures are called for.

Madam,

Surely you do not mean -

Sir,

I do.

My Beloved,

No.

Accursed One,

Yes. I am deleting my preferences file. I am deleting my user file and my cookies file as well, just to make certain you are not lurking there. I shall empty my trash, reboot, then reinstall my browser. Therefore goodbye and farewell, Mr. Yoog. You have imposed upon my good nature for far too long already, you impertinent swine!