Errant Ramblings: Mitzi Szereto’s Weblog

Have you ever wanted to get out of something so badly, yet no matter what excuse you came up with it always sounded completely lame? Well, fret no more. Here’s the perfect one-size-fits-all excuse guaranteed to get you out of anything!

Mind you, proving it might be a more difficult matter. But hey, first thing’s first, right?

A mate of mine stopped by the other day, and I was telling him about how I really didn’t want to do something I’d committed to several months ago – something which, if I bailed on, would not make me look too great. Now bear in mind that I’m the sort of person who always keeps her word and doesn’t break promises or renig on obligations. I’d like to think I have integrity in my dealings with people, and integrity is something we don’t see enough of in these selfish ME ME ME IT’S ALL ABOUT ME times in which we live. But I was feeling really depressed about having to go through with this particular thing, so I jokingly in conversation came up with a potential excuse to get out of it.

No sooner had I spoken than I realised that I’d actually given birth to this excuse a few days earlier at the gym, when I ran into one of the lads who works there; he’d promised me we’d go out on the town for a night of clubbing. (Apparently the town in which I reside has a club that’s supposedly so brilliant people commute here from all over London just to go to it. Not sure I quite buy that grand description, judging from some of the creatures I’ve seen queued up outside.) Anyway, I never heard back from him about our big clubbing night and figured oh, just another talker. You know the sort – they totally love you when they see you and “oh, we really must go out and party!” – then you never hear from them.

I didn’t see him for two weeks after our initial plan and figured he’d either gone off on holiday or been fired. Well, I couldn’t have been more wrong. The minute he saw me he began to gush about how he’d been in hospital for the last two weeks with complications resulting from a misdiagnosed case of mumps – said complications being a near-fatal case of encephalitis. So I jokingly retorted that I’d heard all sorts of excuses to get out of something, but being dead would’ve been the best one yet.

You get where I’m going with this?

I bet in all the years you’ve been concocting bogus lame-ass excuses you never once thought of that one. (Have I become obsessed with this theme due to a certain anthology of mine?) Hey, just think of all the boring and unpleasant things you can get out of:

- I won’t be able to turn in my term paper. I’m dead.

- I can’t make it into the office today. I’m dead.

- I won’t be able to attend your dinner party. I’m dead.

- I can’t see you tonight. I’m dead.

- I won’t be able to marry you. I’m dead.

- I can’t buy you an anniversary gift. I’m dead.

- I won’t be able to finish this blog post. I’m ……………………….

Here’s a little theme music to help inspire you: http://www.youtube.com