Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Is it Illegal to Transport a Lizard Across State Lines?

Monday, November 12th, 2012

Yes, it’s a serious question. For one thing, I don’t know if he was underage. For another, well… I’m not entirely certain the lizard in question was fully consenting to the act. I mean, in some states you can go to jail for this kind of thing!

You see, the other day I discovered a lizard lurking outside my front door. When I shooed him away, he gazed up at me with such a woebegone expression of embarrassment and chagrin that I now wish I’d been a bit kinder and invited him in for a glass of wine and some cheese or at least a cuppa.

Anyway, I forgot all about him until I went to Chattanooga, Tennessee with the famous Teddy Tedaloo to meet up with a mate of his from “opp north” in England. Pints were on the agenda, and I was already running late. I was driving around the downtown area frantically trying to find my destination when suddenly I saw a familiar face staring in at me through the windscreen. Yup. It was my would-be intruder from the front door. Apparently he’d been there all the time, taking a nice leisurely snooze in that thingie where the windscreen wipers live (probably staying nice and cozy in a bed of decaying autumn leaves).

So there I was, zooming up and down the streets of Chattanooga with the little chappie clinging onto the hood for dear life. I finally parked near to my destination, at which point he scrambled down the hood of the car. And that’s the last I saw of him.

Teddy Tedaloo tying one on with his mate Ethan

Teddy Tedaloo tying one on with his mate Ethan

A pint of microbrew later (or its American equivalent, which is by no means a proper pint) and I’d forgotten all about the lizard. You can forget a lot of things when you go out drinking with bears. You should try it sometime.

It’s now been a couple of weeks since the event and frankly, I’m worried about the little guy. My dislike of his less-charming brethren is well known, having been honed and refined from spending time in South Florida and having the local versions sneaking into the house every chance they got, either to end up in the shower with me or to die behind a piece of furniture, leaving me to discover their mummified remains. But this hitchhiker… Okay. I’ve been won over. Slightly.

I can’t help but wonder if this creature that bears a tenuous resemblance to a dragon (minus the fiery snout) was hoping for a signed copy of my new anthology Thrones of Desire: Erotic Tales of Swords, Mist and Fire when he’d first appeared at my front door. I mean, it’s possible. He might have heard there are some dragons in the book and figured he might know one of them. And if you think that’s far-fetched, is it any more so than a lizard hitching a ride across state lines? I’ve come to accept and embrace the far-fetched. Indeed, the more far-fetched the better! Ask anyone who knows me: I thrive on far-fetched.

Missing lizard last seen in the vicinity of downtown Chattanooga. Any information, please call Crimestoppers.

Missing lizard last seen in the vicinity of downtown Chattanooga. Any information, please call Crimestoppers.

I can only assume that Mr. Lizard is now happily ensconced in Chattanooga, Tennessee embarking upon new and exciting adventures and making new friends. I hope so anyway, because I feel quite bad about it and am not ashamed to admit that I worry about his fate in “the big city.”

Of course it’s also possible that he returned to his hiding place by the windscreen wipers and drove right back with me to where he’d begun. Why, he might be lurking outside my front door at this very moment, hoping for another opportunity to be invited inside for that wine and cheese. If not, I hope he’s enjoying life in Chattanooga because frankly, I kinda miss him.

 

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Win a copy of “Pride and Prejudice: Hidden Lusts”

Wednesday, March 30th, 2011
Teddy Tedaloo receives his advance copies of Pride and Prejudice: Hidden Lusts

Teddy Tedaloo receives his advance copies of Pride and Prejudice: Hidden Lusts

Step right up and enter to win a chance to receive a pre-publication copy of my raunchy and outrageous new novel, Pride and Prejudice: Hidden Lusts! The book won’t be out till July, but if you fancy a sneak preview, speak now or forever hold your peace! (Or whatever it is you prefer to hold…)

For more details on how to enter, please visit the official Pride and Prejudice: Hidden Lusts website. Oh yeah, and while you’re at it, you can become a fan on Facebook and keep up with all the news! After all, you don’t want to be left behind, do you?

 

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“Born To Be Wild” – The New Video From Mitzi TV

Friday, September 25th, 2009
Mitzi TV video shoot

Mitzi Szereto at Mitzi TV "Born To Be Wild" video shoot

Mitzi TV head to the pastoral English countryside for some peace and relaxation, only to get a lot more than they bargained for when a hoard of Harley Davidson riders descends on their quiet country hotel.

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And Now For Something Completely Different…

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009
Mitzi TV "Eels" video shoot

Mitzi Szereto at Mitzi TV "Prowling For Eels" video shoot

…It’s Mitzi TV!

And just what did you think it was, a man with three buttocks?

In case you didn’t already know (like where you been, mate?), Mitzi TV is the new web TV channel to head to for all things quirky and eccentric in London. We’ve gone from crazy pub singalongs, eating jellied eel, and chatting about classic cars with such luminaries as Formula 1 racecar driver/BBC TV presenter Tiff Needell, couture shoe designer Jimmy Choo and Batman – to Morris dancing with software geeks. And no, this wasn’t in the same episode!

Of course, I couldn’t create all this madness and mayhem without the talents of cameraman extraordinaire/stand-up diamond geezah Steve Beer and cutie-pie theme musicman extraordinaire Andrew Shatnyy (Facebook/MySpace). And let’s not forget the talents of my handsome (albeit furry) production assistant extraordinaire Teddy Tedaloo, who also provides onscreen talent.

As for those buttocks I mentioned, how do you deal with a governmental body that has all the common sense of not even one buttock?

In my never-ending quest to bring you the ever-quirky and eccentric (while still managing to stay out of the loony bin), I recently found myself entering into a rather annoying fracas with a governmental body: the Royal Parks people. I knew I should’ve cut through all those buzzing drones and biscuit-eating/tea drinking middle men (and women) and gone straight to the top, specifically HRH. Now Lizzie’s a queen who gets things done!

I am referring to a recent attempt by yours truly to line up permission to shoot a Mitzi TV video at Speaker’s Corner in London’s Hyde Park. Because it’s a “Royal” park, I knew I’d need to obtain an official okay. I mean, it wasn’t like we’d be there with a little digital camera and could subtly blend into the crowd. We run a professional operation with professional equipment. (Plus people have commented on that big-ass mike I use, so “subtle” is not the word that springs to mind when we’re talking a Mitzi TV shoot.) Since Speaker’s Corner necessitates a substantial police presence (some of the speakers and audience members can get pretty wound up apparently), I didn’t fancy being led away by the Old Bill, therefore I decided to follow the proper channels to make the shoot happen. It’s a quirky kind of event, and Mitzi TV is nothing if not quirky, so it didn’t seem likely I’d be given an “on yer bike, missus!”.

When I received an email replying to my query, I thought, hey, this is great – sounds like we’re in! Here follows the exact text that refers directly to the issue about who and what controls the area in question:

Speaker’s Corner is an integral part of Hyde Park, which is one of London’s eight Royal Parks. The Royal Parks are owned by the Crown, but were passed to the Government under the Crown Lands Act 1851 to be managed as public open space. They are now the responsibility of the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport, who delegates their day to day management to The Royal Parks.  They are funded by the taxpayer.

Mitzi TV Talent

Teddy Tedaloo in Mitzi TV video opener

“Public open space.” “Funded by the taxpayer.” Well, I’m no lawyer, but this sounds like the definition of a public place – and you do not need permission to film in a public place (not yet anyway). That is why it’s called “PUBLIC.” That statement about being funded by the taxpayer put a further stamp of approval on the process, because guess who’s a taxpayer? Yeah, moi. Just to make certain there was no misinterpretation on my part as to what clearly looked to be a clear description of who controls the park, I messaged once more to confirm that I’d be allowed to shoot some video of the speakers, and asked which specific days they were there spouting off.

The reply came back that these Soapbox Annies and Alis are there on Sundays only, and yes, I would need permission to film, but my message was being forwarded to the Appropriate Party. Not wanting to waste time, I shot off an email to this A.P., explaining what I wished to do and that I’d like to take care of the details as quickly as possible. A.P. messaged back, informing me that they do not permit filming at Speaker’s Corner on Sundays, but I could phone them to discuss the matter further.

Umm… did they not just tell me that I couldn’t film there on a Sunday? So what was there to discuss, the weather? Of course we all know how the Brits love to talk about the weather.

So did this mean they’d give me permission to film at Speaker’s Corner on a day that was not a Sunday? Now forgive me if I’m wrong (or extremely stupid), but what’s the point of filming speakers at Speaker’s Corner when there aren’t any speakers there to film? This is the very question I put forth to A.P. in my reply, also mentioning the fact that plenty of people have shot videos there – how could this be possible if they needed to obtain permission? Needless to say, my email did not receive a response.

Mitzi TV "Car" video shoot

Mitzi Szereto at Mitzi TV "Baby You Can Drive My Car" video shoot

Now I have nothing against doing a bit of guerrilla filming – I’ve got more cajones than any of the men I’ve known. However, what I do have something against is being harassed (and led away by handcuffs) by the police. There’s a time and place for handcuffs – and this isn’t one of them. Besides which, London coppers aren’t as cute as they used to be. They’re getting a bit wide, if you know what I mean, looking more and more like their doughnut-eating American counterparts. So we’d better forget the handcuffs for now.

As for Mitzi TV, keep an eye out for me at Speaker’s Corner, because I don’t like taking “no” for an answer.

Guess it’s a good thing they abolished beheading in this country…

MITZI TV

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“Knees Up Mother Brown” – The New Video From Mitzi TV

Monday, August 10th, 2009
Mitzi TV video shoot

Mitzi Szereto at Mitzi TV "Knees Up Mother Brown" video shoot

Mitzi TV go for a right old knees-up at a proper authentic English “local”, The Duke of Kendal pub in Central London, where all forms of madness ensue. From colourful characters to rude Cockney songs and operatic arias, this is English eccentricity at its very finest!

Visit the official Mitzi TV website at: http://mitziszereto.com/tv

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“Everybody Dance Now!” – the new video from Mitzi TV

Monday, July 13th, 2009
Mitzi TV

Mitzi Szereto at Mitzi TV Morris Dancing video shoot


Mitzi TV ventures into Central London to meet up with the Westminster Morris Men, a team of Morris dancers who do a lot more than shake their booty as they keep alive this wonderfully rhythmic English folk dance!

Visit the official Mitzi TV website at: http://mitziszereto.com/tv

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Mitzi TV launches with “Prowling For Eels”!

Thursday, May 28th, 2009
Mitzi TV

Mitzi Szereto presenting Mitzi TV

Mitzi TV goes on the prowl in London in search of the famous East End Cockney delicacy, the jellied eel… (Turns out these scary denizens of the deep weren’t our cup of tea. We should’ve ordered the pie and mash instead!)

Visit the official Mitzi TV website at: http://mitziszereto.com/tv

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The Ardent Suitor Who Refused to Take “No” For an Answer

Saturday, May 23rd, 2009

My Dear Mitzi,

Were it in my humble ability to express to you all that dwells in my heart…  Should you choose to accept my love and accept me into your life, I shall be rich beyond my wildest imaginings! Dare I ask you to be so generous as to consider the joys such a union would bring?

My Dear Mr. Yoog,

Whilst I appreciate your keen devotion to me, I must hereby inform you that my heart shall never belong to you. Although I admire your persistence, I fear, sir, it is a persistence that eats away at me like a pestilence. Your attentions were neither sought nor solicited, nor are they the least bit desired. Therefore I besiege you to kindly desist from darkening my doorstep.

My Darling Girl,

Oh, such harsh words you fling at me! Surely they are not warranted? What dire deed have I committed to deserve such scathing punishment from your sweet lips? Indeed, I merely sought your attentions! I am an honourable suitor. Pray, do not heed the slander being perpetrated by such sinister characters who seek to besmirch the good name of “Yoog”!

Sir,

Your reputation is of a highly unsavoury nature and, indeed, very well deserved, were I to believe the wealth of evidence against you – which I do! Can such a tide of protestations with regard to your questionable attentions be mere fabrication? I fear not. Ergo I shall put forth my request once more: kindly cease posthaste from forcing your attentions upon my person, lest I set the dogs on you!

My Fragrant Flower,

How it pains me to be the victim of such feminine callousness! I have only sought your love, and my intentions are wholly honourable. Is this a crime? I know that you are in possession of a tender heart. Is it so impossible to provide a place for me within it? I am first and foremost a gentleman. Perhaps I err in the enthusiasm of my passions, but rest assured that I am faithful in my quest to win your hand.

Mr. Yoog,

Faithful? Sir, if such fidelity extends to the hands of many, it is a fidelity I do not seek! I cannot speak any more plainly than I already have. Despite my most valiant efforts to rid myself of your noisome presence, you stubbornly persist in following me about. You are a clever villain, indeed. For within moments of my removing you from one location you suddenly reappear in another. Not even the counsel of the most sage of experts can provide me with relief. You are driving me to despair!

Dearest Treasure,

Open your arms and take me to your bosom! Let us both partake of the happiness and joy I offer. Prithee, do not fight me, for I shan’t go away!

Yoog,

I shall fight you with every breath I have! If I must destroy everything in the process, so be it, but be rid of you I shall!

My Lovely One,

Your spirit is admirable, my dear lady, yet it is no match for Yoog! For as you have already acknowledged, I am clever – far more clever than any mere woman! Abandon your struggle before it is too late, and the destruction you make reference to shall truly come to pass.

C%&$@#*%?rM#%&$rF*%$#rB*?#%@d!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have tried my patience long enough. Upon your head be it!

My Good Woman,

Do your worst!

C%&$@#*%?rM#%&$rF*%$#rB*?#%@d!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I shall, indeed, do my worst. I have spied you hiding in my preferences file. Oh yes, you are clever, for no sooner do I remove you and replace you with your nemesis Mr. Google than you reappear yet again. I now see that more stringent measures are called for.

Madam,

Surely you do not mean -

Sir,

I do.

My Beloved,

No.

Accursed One,

Yes. I am deleting my preferences file. I am deleting my user file and my cookies file as well, just to make certain you are not lurking there. I shall empty my trash, reboot, then reinstall my browser. Therefore goodbye and farewell, Mr. Yoog. You have imposed upon my good nature for far too long already, you impertinent swine!

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Which Kind of Psychopathic Serial Killer Are You?

Friday, April 3rd, 2009

If you’re a regular Facebook user (yup, I’m on about those guys again!), no doubt you’ve come across the endless barrage of quizzes aimed at pumping up your ego and making you appear to be a far better and far more superior human being than you actually are. Frankly, I’ve had about enough of these nauseating boosts for the ego. Just think, if we had this many wonderful, giving, loving, saintly, selfless people living in this world, it would truly be paradise – and we wouldn’t be in the big fat mess we’re in.

But we all know that we don’t, and it isn’t.

Let’s get real. The developers of these ego-stroking quizzes need to start making these apps more representative of modern-day society, rather than this barf-bag orgy of vomit we’ve been seeing all over the place. I say develop quizzes for REAL people, the people we meet every day, the people we work with, the people we drive on the freeways and motorways with, the people we ride on the subways and buses with, the people we live with or live next door to, the people we give our hearts to and take to our beds to love with.

I’m sure you’re going to accuse me of being a pessimist. Well, I prefer to say I’m a realist. I mean, there’s only so many times you can get kicked in the crotch before you finally wake up and smell the latte.

So here are some examples of the kinds of quizzes I believe more accurately portray the world in which we live (and they’re automatically copyrighted by having been published here, so developers – keep your geeky little hands off!):

♦ Which Kind of Nasty Sociopathic Neighbour Are You?

♦ Which Kind of Jealous Vicious Trouble-Making Best Friend Are You?

♦ Which Kind of Scumbag Cheating Husband/Wife/Boyfriend/Girlfriend Are You?

♦ Which Kind of I-Make-Everybody-Sick Soccer Mom Are You?

♦ Which Kind of Meddling Parent/Inlaw/Relative Are You?

♦ Which Kind of Skanky Trailer-Park Trash Are You?

♦ Which Kind of Lager-Lout Football Hooligan Are You?

♦ Which Kind of Sticky-Fingered Shoplifter Are You?

♦ Which Kind of Deadbeat Insurance Defrauder Are You?

♦ Which Kind of I’m-Too-Lazy-To-Get-Off-My-Fat-Ass Welfare Cheat Are You?

We can also extend this to those employed in specific professions:

♦ Which Kind of Shyster Pad-My-Clients’-Bills Lawyer Are You?

♦ Which Kind of Incompetent Never-Once-Cracked-Open-Gray’s-Anatomy Surgeon Are You?

♦ Which Kind of Crooked Raiding-The-Public-Coffers Politician Are You?

♦ Which Kind of Scamming Madoff-Loving Investment Consultant Are You?

♦ Which Kind of Embezzling Empty-My-Clients’-Pockets Accountant Are You?

♦ Which Kind of Thieving Overpaid/Over-Bonused Banker Are You?

And lastly, for those who hail from, shall we say, the more fringe elements of society:

♦ Which Kind of Fanatical Political Terrorist Are You?

♦ Which Kind of Psychopathic Serial Killer Are You?

♦ Which Kind of Dimwitted Facebook Application Developer Are You?
(Oops………………….)

Please feel free to add more!

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“Skype Me, Baby!”

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

200px-skype_logo2svg

Oh, for the good old days when I actually had someone say that to me! Now I’m rarely to be found on Skype. Out of curiosity, however, I ventured on fairly recently, logging on as “Away” just to see who was around. Well, let’s say that I got a lot more than I bargained for.

No sooner did I become visible than my laptop began to ring with that distinctive weirdy spacey Skypey ring – and it’s some strange name not even on my contact list, some guy from Slovakia. Well, I don’t know anyone from Slovakia, or at least not anyone who’s on my Skype. Figuring it to be a “wrong number,” I didn’t answer. The ringing stopped, only to start right up again. I ignored it, though I admit I wondered how this Slav could be getting it wrong twice in a row. The ringing ceased, then again it started back up. Three times unlucky? No way. Clearly someone really wanted to speak to me. Curiosity got the better of me, so I decided to plug in my headset and answer… because whoever this Slavic geezer was, he was not going away any time soon.

What next transpired had to be one of the most surreal conversations I’ve ever engaged in – and that includes all the surreal interplanetary ones I had with my former Skype partner. Since I was already logged into Facebook, I decided to update my status message to reflect my current activities, posting comments beneath my update to record for posterity all that was taking place.

Here follows the full Facebook commentary with both my comments and those of my friends (whose names have been changed to protect the innocent):

Mitzi Szereto who in hell is stefan from slovakia and why is he phoning on my skype? who IS this guy?
18 March at 22:47

Mitzi Szereto at 22:49 on 18 March
bardejov, slovakia. WTF???????
i don’t speak bloody slovak. he’s not even on my list.

Mitzi Szereto at 22:50 on 18 March
i’m gonna call him now. so there.

Mitzi Szereto at 22:51 on 18 March
shit he’s calling again.

Mitzi Szereto at 22:51 on 18 March
i am speaking to him now

Dougie Moorehouse at 22:51 on 18 March
at least he isnt a prince from nigeria:)

Mitzi Szereto at 22:52 on 18 March
he is in budapest.

Mitzi Szereto at 22:52 on 18 March
i don’t know this guy.

Wez Whitton at 22:53 on 18 March
that’s scary… skype stalking… that’s something new.

Mitzi Szereto at 22:53 on 18 March
he can hardly speak english.

Mitzi Szereto at 22:55 on 18 March
he found me randomly. just called on skype and got me.

Benjie Levy at 22:56 on 18 March
Chwat zchizz yuur zscname, chbabyiszsch?

Mitzi Szereto at 22:57 on 18 March
he knows my name.

Wez Whitton at 22:57 on 18 March
lol@ Benjie… dat’s funny shitnizsch.

Mitzi Szereto at 22:57 on 18 March
this is hysterical.

Wez Whitton at 22:58 on 18 March
get his number and hand it out to everyone you know with skype and have them randomly call him.

Mitzi Szereto at 22:58 on 18 March
he does quality control for chickens.

Mitzi Szereto at 22:58 on 18 March
this is scary.

Wez Whitton at 22:58 on 18 March
lol@chicken plucker….lol

Wez Whitton at 22:59 on 18 March
dat makes you grade A poultry Mitzi…lol

Mitzi Szereto at 22:59 on 18 March
he also does something with jacuzzis

Mitzi Szereto at 22:59 on 18 March
and meat

Wez Whitton at 23:00 on 18 March
hmmm..chickens…jacuzzis…this is bordering on illegal stuff now…lol

Mitzi Szereto at 23:00 on 18 March
and also fabrics.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:01 on 18 March
he also tests cameras.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:01 on 18 March
he is clearly a busy man.

Roberto Rachet at 23:02 on 18 March
Slovakia, Budapest is bloody Hongaria not Slovakia, and anybody doing quality control for chickens I woudn’t take seriously, but then again you never know.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:03 on 18 March
he has the old skype and likes it. he isn’t so crazy about new skype.

Cat Babinsky at 23:03 on 18 March
Like bees to honey (LOL)!

Mitzi Szereto at 23:04 on 18 March
i told him to call some chickens.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:04 on 18 March
he laughs a lot.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:04 on 18 March
he can’t understand me very well.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:04 on 18 March
bloody foreigner

Roberto Rachet at 23:04 on 18 March
where does he find time to stalk you!!!!

Mitzi Szereto at 23:05 on 18 March
we got disconnected and i am leaving it that way and not going to pick up. he is ringing again. go away.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:06 on 18 March
he is calling me again. he will not give up.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:07 on 18 March
he cannot even speak english why is he bloody phoning me back?

Murial Fountainhead at 23:07 on 18 March
what language is that?

Roberto Rachet at 23:07 on 18 March
I mean chickens and cameras and jacuzzis and meat and all the rest of the C..P well at least he has shown a good taste in people to stalk

Mitzi Szereto at 23:08 on 18 March
i have such a headache now.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:08 on 18 March
christ now he is messaging me.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:08 on 18 March
he is saying he’s sorry he knows i’m busy. lol

Mitzi Szereto at 23:09 on 18 March
what is it with these slavs?

Richie Szabo at 23:09 on 18 March
Roberto what da hell r u talking bout??? Budapest is capital of Hungary. Slovakia is a country which capital is Bratislava and they speak slovak. The Hungarians speak Hungarian obviously. Nd these 2 languages are completely different. Anyway, I wouldn’t take him seriously too.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:12 on 18 March
it’s all weird richie. totally weird. he has a slav name, he is listed on skype as being in slovakia, and he tells me he lives in budapest and does quality control for chickens, cameras, and jacuzzis.

Jeannie Dottie at 23:13 on 18 March
LOL. I needed a laugh so thanks for this – very funny (and thank Gawd I don’t have skippy-skype!) :))

Dickie Corgan at 23:14 on 18 March
Sounds like a spammer. Block and report him.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:15 on 18 March
spamming what – that he has a million chickens that he needs to send me because he cannot leave budapest?

Mitzi Szereto at 23:16 on 18 March
stefan horniak. lol! surely that name can’t be kosher. HORNIAK? give over mate.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:20 on 18 March
now i got some guy stalking me from plaxo. he’s sending photos to my email. one is with his kid. you can’t be serious.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:23 on 18 March
OMG it’s getting even better. just had an invite sent to my yahoo calendar from roselyn kilpalya, who is a lovely young woman who wants to be loved and she apparently saw my profile and wants a relationship with me. hang on – i’ll paste it here.

Roberto Rachet at 23:23 on 18 March
of course the languages are different I know because I speak both of them an I do know geography as in where is what, but I am curious how do you know that not many here could see the difference.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:23 on 18 March
Nice to meet you, My name is Roselyn,i am tall,slim,fair,and a very good looking girl that loves travelling and dancing, a student,that loves to be loved,i really want to have a good relationship with you after going through your profile i want to find my Love, I am longing to find my soul mate and true love to share all my love and happiness, joy … Read moreand desire and sometimes even sorrow and sadness. kindly permit my contacting you through this medium i am compelled to contact you via this medium for obvious reasons which you will understand when we discuss details of my proposition.Please i will like you to reply to me through my mail address so that we will know each other very well,i am looking forward to your positive confirmation to enable us have an important discussion then we will start from there which will include my introduction,i will send my pictures later. Hoping towards a wonderful lasting friendship with you Thanks and God bless you,

Mitzi Szereto at 23:24 on 18 March
oh boy! could this be the mendiing of my broken heart???

Roberto Rachet at 23:31 on 18 March
oooo lord just dont send any money!!!!!
See how it goes first.

Mitzi Szereto at 23:36 on 18 March
money? lol – what’s that?

Mitzi Szereto at 23:38 on 18 March
hey if she wants to court me she’s got to treat me like a lady. none of this mates kinda shite.

Roberto Rachet at 23:41 on 18 March
Good for you, You go girl!!!!!!!

Roberto Rachet at 23:42 on 18 March
And just in case she says no give her my phone number!

Carla Pretti at 23:45 on 18 March
Mitzi, I find your wall terribly entertaining, I would swap it with an evening out at the cinema and definitely with some ehm… well cooked chicken :)) hihihi….. LOL! El desperados are too many on earth to talk about them all, but watch your back from those scams girl because you are far above them!

Mitzi Szereto at 23:46 on 18 March
tell ya what – you can have her. i know already it isn’t going to work.

Carla Pretti at 23:48 on 18 March
As far as you keep it CONFIDENTIAL XXX!

Mitzi Szereto at 23:49 on 18 March
carla, i only live to see the next day in order to entertain everyone on facebook. i realise i have a responsibility to my facebook friends and my own selfish needs and desires are of no consequence.

Carla Pretti at 23:52 on 18 March
Sweet one, but yourself has still to come 1st 99% of the times!

Mitzi Szereto at 23:52 on 18 March
roberto, here is my suitor’s email address. give it a shot.
roselynkikpalya1@yahoo.com

Mitzi Szereto at 23:52 on 18 March
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59Hj7bp38f8

Carla Pretti at 23:56 on 18 March
Ah, ah! Luvd it!

Mitzi Szereto at 23:57 on 18 March
carla dear one, a nice thought, but not entirely realistic. anyway, enough of such talk. when are we going for rose shisha?

Carla Pretti at 23:59 on 18 March
Yeah, we have to arrange. I have not forgotten…

Mitzi Szereto at 00:01 on 19 March
don’t wait too long! i am planning to go to california in a few weeks and will likely be gone for at least a month. x

Carla Pretti at 00:05 on 19 March
OK, will try and get in touch with the 3rd part as well.

Mitzi Szereto at 00:05 on 19 March
excellent. and lebanese food on edgware road. perfection! and if the weather holds out, all the better to sit outside and smoke like a bunch of old arabs just out of mosque. love it!

Carla Pretti at 00:06 on 19 March
LOL!

Mitzi Szereto at 00:10 on 19 March
inshallah.

Mitzi Szereto at 00:11 on 19 March
إن شاء الله

Carla Pretti at 00:11 on 19 March
;)

Lana Rossie at 01:14 on 19 March
don’t kick the slovaks. I have very fond memories of a very fine Slovak…and DAMN, he was fine…

-fin-

I never heard from Mr. Horniak of Slovakia-via-Budapest again. Probably just as well; it would never have worked between us. Not really. I mean, a man who spends his time with chickens? I just can’t see it. I can’t help wondering though if the fact that I’ve not gone back onto Skype since that night might have anything to do with the fact that he’s dumped me…

Oh well…. Another one bites the dust.

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