Posts Tagged ‘thelonious t. bear’

Do You Know the Way to Santa Fe

Thursday, July 7th, 2016

Teddy Tedaloo arrives in New Mexico

I’ve crisscrossed North America so many times they might as well invite me to join the cast of Top Gear! Even on a bad day, I’m a damned sight better looking than Chris Evans. But has the BBC been chasing after me to offer me a shed-load of dosh to be on the programme? Despite the fact that Mr. Evans has up and quit on them, no, they have not.

So where exactly does that leave me?

To embark upon my peregrinations with my trusty celebrity sidekick author bear, Teddy Tedaloo (who’s also a damned sight better looking than Chris Evans on ANY day)!

Checking out the local real estate

Checking out the local real estate

Our latest road trip was initially supposed to be a visit to Santa Fe, New Mexico for fun, food, friends and relaxation, along with an author appearance thrown in to promote Rotten Peaches (The Thelonious T. Bear Chronicles)the latest novel in our cosy mystery series The Thelonious T. Bear Chronicles. But you know how things can snowball, especially when you figure that since you’re driving all that distance anyway, what’s another err… few thousand miles? So like a rock band on tour, off we went, minus the drugs!

And it’s a good thing we didn’t have any questionable substances with us, especially after what they did to us at the Canadian border crossing.

Hanging out with Teddy Tedaloo in Vancouver

Hanging out with Teddy Tedaloo in Vancouver

Of course, we expected to have a few adventures on our road trip, but being detained and cross-examined at Canadian border patrol for more than two hours and having the car (along with all our luggage) searched wasn’t exactly high up on the list. The only thing missing from the scenario was the snap of a latex glove. The huge haul of contraband they were able to come up with included a note with the address of a Squamish bank written on it (so I could withdraw money from the ATM, like duh); a pair of paper booties; a pillow; and one of those thermal cover things I keep in the boot for an emergency in case I run into Chuck, Jimmy McGill’s (aka Saul Goodman) brother, who suffers from a case of electromagnetic hypersensitivity. The border control officers grudgingly let us leave when they ran out of excuses to keep us there (apparently I’d even been Googled, along with Teddy), causing us to get caught up in late afternoon Vancouver traffic and missing lunch. Good thing I don’t suffer from hypoglycemia or I’d have been a goner.

Can you imagine – no more books written by yours truly? Do you even want to imagine it?

Okay, don’t answer that.

In case you didn’t make it to our Santa Fe gig or else were too cheap to spring for the airfare, here’s a filmed highlight from it. See how much money I’ve saved you? I hope you remember that next time you’re shopping for a book to read from Amazon or your other favourite bookseller!

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Vin Diesel Can’t Compare to Thelonious T. Bear!

Thursday, September 24th, 2015
Proud authors Mitzi Szereto and Teddy Tedaloo with their new book Rotten Peaches (The Thelonious T. Bear Chronicles)

Proud authors Mitzi Szereto and Teddy Tedaloo with their new book Rotten Peaches (The Thelonious T. Bear Chronicles)

 

We keep hearing all this talk about entertainment “franchises” these days. Seems like every time you turn around Vin Diesel is on the telly, telling reporters about his “Fast and Furious” film franchise. Well, I’m here to tell you that when it comes to entertainment franchises, baby, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

Proud author Teddy Tedaloo with Rotten Peaches (The Thelonious T. Bear Chronicles)

Proud author Teddy Tedaloo with Rotten Peaches (The Thelonious T. Bear Chronicles)

For those of you in the know (and you wouldn’t be reading this blog if you weren’t), my celebrity sidekick bear and handsome co-author Teddy Tedaloo and I are here to announce the publication of the latest installment in OUR franchise: namely The Thelonious T. Bear Chronicles.

Now we’re not talking motion pictures (at least not yet, though lucrative film and TV offers are welcome!). But we are talking novels – in this case the second book in our quirky and satiric cosy mystery/crime series – Rotten Peaches (The Thelonious T. Bear Chronicles). And like that other franchise starring that baritone-voiced bald geezer with a fondness for speeding cars, our book also comes with some high-octane chase scenes!

If you’ve read the first novel Normal for Norfolk (The Thelonious T. Bear Chronicles), you’ll already be familiar with Thelonious T. Bear, our hapless protagonist from ol’ Blighty. Thelonious is a photojournalist by trade. He also happens to be a small bear. He drives a specially modified Mini Cooper with a Union Jack on the roof, wears a deerstalker hat, loves jazz music and drinks real ale. He even uses cologne (he’s quite meticulous about his personal hygiene).

In this latest installment in the series, Thelonious’s assignment takes him and his camera to the rural American South – or more specifically, Georgia, a state famous for its red clay and Southern hospitality as well as guns, Jesus, dodgy traffic tickets, Confederate flags, pickup trucks and, of course, peaches!

Our ursine “hero” has a knack for running into trouble wherever he goes. This time that trouble arrives courtesy of a gang of bank-robbing little people wearing animal-mask disguises and armed with Tommy Guns. Everyone wants to catch these Dillinger-wannabes, especially a rural sheriff from the sticks and an eager young small-town newspaper reporter. An adventure chock-full of grits and culture shock, Rotten Peaches (The Thelonious T. Bear Chronicles) has enough local flavour to make that fried chicken go down real good, providing you chase it with a great big glass of sweet tea! Crooked cops, fire-and-brimstone preachers, psychotic farmers, stalkers in pickup trucks and reality TV shows, it’s all happening right here. Rotten Peaches will have you hankering for a fried pie in no time.

Vin Diesel concedes that The Thelonious T. Bear Chronicles franchise is definitely faster and furiouser!

Vin Diesel concedes that The Thelonious T. Bear Chronicles franchise is definitely faster and furiouser!

Working with Teddy has been great so far. At least we haven’t had any artistic flare-ups yet. We’ve been soaking up plenty of local colour while on location writing this novel (just as we did for Normal for Norfolk), but that’s all part of the fun. We want our readers to feel as if they’ve actually been to these places and met the characters just as we ourselves have. You might even call us the “method actors” of literature – we definitely aren’t shy when it comes to immersing ourselves in our art. Just take a look at some of these “on location” photos if you don’t believe me.

So keep an eye out. You never know where we might turn up next! As for Mr. Vin Diesel, big-shot Hollywood movie star, y’all better watch out, because if things go according to plan, Thelonious T. Bear will be coming to your neighbourhood cinema soon!

 

Visit the Rotten Peaches (The Thelonious T. Bear Chronicles) website:

mitziszereto.com/rottenpeaches

Check us out on Facebook: 

facebook.com/rottenpeaches

 

 

Why, lookee here! Even that good ol’ boy Elton John is singing about our book!

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The Case of the Vanishing Sock

Friday, October 17th, 2014
Mitzi and Teddy at Glacier National Park, Montana

Mitzi and Teddy at Glacier National Park, Montana

My talented co-author and celebrity bear Teddy Tedaloo and I are back from another whirlwind road trip through North America, taking in such destinations as the Black Hills of South Dakota, northwest Montana and Glacier National Park, the Canadian Rockies of Alberta and British Columbia, the eastern portion of the Pacific Northwest, and northern Colorado.

After two overpriced oil changes and having missed the Testicle Festival in Clinton, Montana (yes, you heard it here first!), we were pretty much ready to pack it in and give the exhausted credit cards a holiday of their own. Nevertheless, we managed to visit a lot of amazing places and cross a few more off our bucket list. Even more importantly, Teddy got to visit several brewpubs!

Teddy Tedaloo checks out the local ale

Teddy Tedaloo checks out the local ale

Of course no road trip of merit would be complete without some form of (mis)adventure, and this one was no exception. Last year I encountered a bored border control agent who gave me a load of bollocks going into Canada. This year I encountered a bored border control agent who gave me a load of bollocks crossing into the United States! I won’t say which border crossing it was (in case you might actually know this character), but I get the impression they don’t get too many customers and have to make the most out of this gig.

Now don’t get me wrong – we need to stay vigilant in today’s turbulent and dangerous world, but there’s a big difference between wasting time/resources and being on the lookout for potential terrorists and drug smugglers. I flew after 9-11 immediately after the international borders were reopened (going from the USA to Canada to the UK) and I didn’t experience anything remotely along these lines to enter a “foreign” country. Nor did I have any issues last year upon driving into the USA from Canada with a US passport, entering via New York State. In fact, they actually seemed glad to see me!

Not so in this case. Despite the fact that I handed over my American passport for inspection, I was asked to provide yet another form of photo ID. On presenting my US driver’s licence, the fellow proceeded to enter it into a computer, no doubt expecting to find a “Wanted By the FBI!” alert placed upon it. I was even asked if my car was rented (huh?) and my next intended destination (err… Starbucks?). I began to wonder if I was entering a foreign country rather than the one to which I had proof of citizenship. I looked around for a flag emblazoned with a hammer and sickle, but couldn’t see one.

Sure, it was all sweetness and light as my car and everything in it got a good going-over in search of… what? Dirty laundry? Well, yes, I had a tote bag-full in the boot and I warned the fellow that he would encounter it if he went in there. That didn’t put him off in the least. On the contrary, he seemed to take an inordinate amount of time going through all my stuff as I sat dumbfounded in the driver’s seat, wondering if a body search was imminent or being hung upside-down until I confessed to crimes I hadn’t committed. I dread to think what they do to American citizens who have even a drop of Middle Eastern blood running through their veins or a name with Islamic origins.

After a while I figured out that it wasn’t just about my potential threat to American security. It was also about all the illegal contraband I was potentially bringing into the United States and not paying duty on. (Clearly this fellow wasn’t too au fait with the income level of most authors or he might have slipped me a few bucks to help out.) Sure, I’d purchased a handful of things in Canada, but unless he wanted to tax Teddy’s new hoodie from Banff there wasn’t all that much to get excited about.

Yet boy was I surprised when, with a big Ah-ha! on his face, he pulled from my suitcase a small plastic bag containing not cocaine, but earrings, upon which he inquired if the tiny paper bag inside it contained new jewelry that I’d purchased on my trip. I was pleased as punch to inform him that yes, those were indeed newly purchased earrings in said bag – and I’d bought them in Montana. Last I heard they can’t charge customs on goods purchased inside the United States being brought back inside the United States.

Needless to say, I would have been perfectly cool with it had Teddy and I not been allowed back into the USA. Canada is a beautiful and friendly country that isn’t overrun with blood-thirsty psychopaths with guns, and they’re even civilised and humane enough to offer universal healthcare to its population rather than allowing them to descend into abject poverty or serious illness in order to keep from suffering or dying. So the decision would have been an easy one to make had the US border been shut against me. But after searching my car and everything in it (including the tote bag of dirty laundry I’d warned him about), the agent bid me a fond farewell. The barrier finally came up and we were waved on through. Welcome to the United States.

Damn.

Okay, so it gets a wee bit cold in Canada...

Okay, so it gets a wee bit cold in Canada…

Now if you think all this border-security song and dance was entirely justified, let me add a postscript to this. I fuelled up the car in the first town I came to and, still fuming over the incident, mentioned to the kindly ladies behind the cash register what had just happened. They asked me to describe the fellow, which I did. Their immediate response? “Oh, him.” Evidently I’d got lucky and drawn the short straw.

Now you’d think with this violation of my privacy and personal space that this guy would have promised to buy at least one of my books? I did tell him when asked that I was a writer, so ignorance was no excuse. After all, I have Darker Edge of Desire coming out and Teddy and I are always keen to find new readers for our Thelonious T. Bear quirky crime/cosy mystery series. But no. It was all just wham, bam, thank you, ma’am.

I felt so cheap and used!

As for that bag of laundry in the car boot, even that didn’t remain sacrosanct. When I arrived at my next destination and began to make use of the washing machine, it came to my notice that a certain article of clothing had gone missing from the tote bag – and it was nowhere to be found.

All I can say is, if that border control guy has it, I hope he and my sock will be very happy together.

 

 

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