The Office of Prime Minister – Should I Accept?

It’s often been suggested to me that I should seek out the office of British Prime Minister. Okay, so maybe it hasn’t been suggested – or not that much anyway. Granted, I don’t have the dark jowly Scottish charm of Gordon Brown (or thankfully the stomach), but what the hey?  I’ve been in England long enough – I’m really more English than American, so why not become Prime Minister? I can’t drink tea without milk, my sense of humour is warped (Papa Lazarou is my idol, Dave), and I’ll take a pint of beer over a glass of wine at the pub any day. Now I ask you: is that English or wot? The only thing that needs sorting is an appropriate political party; I don’t fit into either Labour or the Tories, and as for the Green Party or the Lib Dems, nah. Dull, the whole lot of them! So here is what I propose: The Erotic Party. You’ve got to admit, it has cache. It just rolls off the tongue (ahem), doesn’t it?

The thing is, do I really want to live at Number 10 with folk coming and going at all times of the day and night? What if Maggie Thatcher popped round for a cuppa? Bet she’ll use up all my demerara sugar, like the workmen always do whenever they come by to do repairs. I’ve yet to meet an English repairman who doesn’t take 3 sugars in his tea. And then there’s the Queen. Oh, I’ve no quarrel with her, she’s a fabulous old bird, but that husband of hers is a real lech. I don’t fancy fending off his roaming hands at a cocktail party. And I know already that it’ll be a major hassle to get all these visitors to remove their shoes before they come indoors; I’ll have to appoint someone specifically for this task – the Shoe Removal Whip or some such. Whip? Hmm… considering that I’ll be the leader of The Erotic Party, that might lead to some unwanted speculation. As for Number 10 itself as a place of residence, I’ve heard it’s cramped, and I suspect there might be rising damp. Are those windows double glazed? Doesn’t look like it to me. If you’ve been through an English winter (and spring, and summer, and autumn), you’ll know all about the importance of good double glazing and proper insulation.

I suppose I’ll have to give this a bit more thought before I decide. Do I give up the exciting jetsetting life of writer, editor (and occasional teacher) of erotic literature just for some silly little job of running an entire country?

I ask you, what would you do?

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No Responses to “The Office of Prime Minister – Should I Accept?”

  1. Ro Says:

    Save it for a few years.

    While the job pays well enough and certainly gives you a chance in the limelight, whoever takes over next time is in for one hell of a rough ride. Let the next PM sort out the mess a little and then take over.

    And, incidentally, what nationality are you now? I wouldn’t like a silly thing like a US passport to stand in your way …

  2. mitziszereto Says:

    I am not sure the next PM will sort out the mess. But yeah, maybe I’ll give it a miss this time around. As I said, the digs at Number Ten are questionable, and I do like having time to myself, plus I’m rather protective of my personal space. FYI, I’m a Yank. So that does create a bit of a problem! I’m waiting for the USA to change the law dictating the place of birth for presidential candidates – because you just know that Arnie is going to run! Oh what fun we’ll have.

  3. John Boland Says:

    take the job
    invite me for a cuppa
    and teach me the erotic stuff…
    the Brits need another scandal…
    jb
    http://www.spaldinggray.com

  4. mitziszereto Says:

    ok done deal!

  5. Brenna Lyons Says:

    Why not use it as a promo? I thought I had a great gimmick going in 2004, when I had one of my vampire characters run for president of the US. He had a web page…promo gear… He had a platform, for pities’ sake.

    Now, Mike Geffner has a much better setup than I ever did. Here is his spoof page… http://www.news3online.com/index.php?code=75G172oHi607If8d9Ryc

    As for actually running? I ran an international organization for two years, and I can tell you… Don’t even consider anything more than that. I loved almost every minute of it, but it’s too time consuming for an author and editor to take on, IMO. There’s a reason why you have an enforced break written in.

    Brenna

  6. mitziszereto Says:

    I decided not to run. I can’t be bothered. See? I’m REALLY becoming English!

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