Up the Amazon Without a Paddle

Some of you may have heard about the recent fracas concerning online retailer Amazon.com. What happened is this: a whole slew of books had their sales rankings removed – books which apparently fell into a certain category, the likes of which have puzzled pretty much everyone. Amazon initially seemed to be targeting titles deemed to contain “adult content”, especially anything in the “erotica” genre. This then ended up being extended to gay and lesbian literature and even feminist works. Now we’re not talking only about those books with covers that would make your average raincoat and black-socks-wearing perv blush with embarrassment, but some very high-profile books as well, including non-fiction historical studies and works containing no sexually explicit content whatsoever.

Considering that many of my books classified as “erotica” are far less explicit than the average Jilly Cooper or Jackie Collins novel (see my blog post about mislabelling), this sounded like hypocrisy in action. So too, was the fact that titles containing nude photographs of women (and not the most highbrow either), along with memoirs penned by porn stars were still respectably ranked on Amazon. So I went and had a look and found that a number of my titles had been de-ranked. What makes this especially amusing (or not, depending on how you look at it) is the fact that Stephen Fry‘s autobiography was also de-ranked, along with classic works of literature such as D.H. Lawrence’s Lady Chatterley’s Lover and a biography of Oscar Wilde. Rather than be upset by it as my fellow writers were, I felt flattered to be in such lofty company as Mssrs. Lawrence, Wilde and Fry.

Since I live in a cave (metaphorically), I had no idea this cull was even going on until I began to see mention of it in Facebook and Twitter updates. A petition had been started and was being passed along the grapevine (helped by me once I knew of the situation). Finally Amazon sat up and took notice, though they blamed everything on a “glitch”. (Sounds just like Facebook’s favourite excuse!) Now I’m not going to say the good folks at Amazon were telling porkers – glitches in systems are common enough, and something intended to perform one function can often end up taking over and creating havoc, much like the Hal 2000 computer from the film 2001: A Space Odyssey.

So why did this happen? Well, in some frothing-at-the-mouth Bible-Belting attempt to protect the delicate book-buying public from material that might be deemed to be of an “adult” nature, Amazon took it upon themselves to enact this de-ranking policy, which didn’t remove books from the site, but removed their sales rankings, thereby driving them, shall we say, underground. It also removed these books from search results. Perhaps I’m not the only one who lives in a cave, because surely any member of the public (regardless of age) can locate the most extreme, sick and disgusting forms of pornography online at the click of a mouse. So who exactly was being protected by this policy? Your guess is as good as mine as well as all the others who objected to this arbitrary silliness on the part of Amazon.

Now I know a lot of people diss Amazon and this hasn’t exactly helped the situation. They’ve become the company people love to hate (much like Starbucks). Surprisingly, a lot of authors have joined the hate bandwagon too, which I find surprising, especially since the odds are hugely stacked against authors’ books being sold at all, to say nothing of actually being stocked! If this makes me politically incorrect, so be it, but frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn. I LOVE Amazon – and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Amazon is not the love that dare not speak its name. They have all my books listed for sale and if they are out of stock, they’ll reorder them. They also allow buyers to pre-order titles that haven’t even been published yet. (I suggest you hurry over to Amazon and do so for the upcoming re-release of my bestselling story collection In Sleeping Beauty’s Bed: Erotic Fairy Tales!) Now how many brick-and-mortar booksellers can even be bothered to do this when they can’t even be bothered to re-order a book that’s already been published?

Most of the big chains are in bed with major publishing houses (I won’t mention names, but two biggies here in the UK are definitely enjoying a gay old romp in the sheets with some heavy players in the publishing world). Why do you think the same stale books by the same stale authors are in every bookshop? God forbid if you want to be a Looky Lou and peruse the shelves to see what else might be worth a read – you’re pretty much stuck with Delia Smith‘s cookery books, David Beckham‘s words of wisdom, Katie and Peter‘s lives as happily married chavs, and Paris Hilton‘s riveting life story (or has it been published yet?). Of course you can’t exactly peruse the bookshelves at Amazon as you might a regular bookshop, but when a regular bookshop offers you a very limited variety of the vast variety of books and authors out there, you’re getting a raw deal anyway.

So stop your whingeing. Amazon behaved stupidly (how many of you can say that you never have), and they did something about it (how many of you can say that you have), so let’s all be friends again. As writers we can’t afford to thumb our noses at vendors who sell our product. And as readers/consumers we deserve the greatest variety of books offered at the very best price. Amazon has revolutionised the way books are sold. Fine, so they screwed up, but they listened to the public and they responded by rectifying the problem. I bet you can’t say the same for your local or national government or your utility company or your bank. And I bet you can’t say the same for your lover/partner/spouse either!

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