{"id":4538,"date":"2009-12-27T19:52:01","date_gmt":"2009-12-27T18:52:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mitziszereto.com\/blog\/?p=4538"},"modified":"2010-08-24T11:18:15","modified_gmt":"2010-08-24T10:18:15","slug":"noddy-holder-has-a-lot-to-answer-for","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mitziszereto.com\/blog\/noddy-holder-has-a-lot-to-answer-for\/","title":{"rendered":"Noddy Holder Has a Lot to Answer For"},"content":{"rendered":"

Well, yet another Christmas has passed and if you’re anything like me, it tends to bounce right off, leaving not so much as a dent. However, even us expat Scrooges can’t avoid some <\/em>of that “Christmas cheer”. I’m speaking, of course, of the one kind of Christmas cheer that can turn even the most mild-mannered librarian into a berserk axe-wielding psychopath ready to slay anyone who so much as looks in their direction.<\/p>\n

No, I’m not talking about that great British tradition Sir Cliff Richard<\/a> and his oh-so-happy bowel-loosening Christmas tunes. I’m referring to yet another great British tradition: the vomit-inducing endless playing and replaying of the 1970’s Slade<\/a> hit single “Merry Xmas Everybody<\/a>“, featuring the vocals of one Noddy Holder<\/a>, whose voice could strip paint from metal, not to mention turn human eardrums into tinsel. Oh yeah, it doesn’t get any worse than this. No matter where you go or what you do, you can’t avoid it. In the words of my hair stylist, “It’ll get you sooner or later.”<\/p>\n

Ominous, eh?<\/p>\n

Indeed. And no one seems to be immune to this menace either. You can tell that things have really deteriorated to Night of the Living Dead<\/a> sheer terror stage when you observe Muslims, Jews, Hindus and Sikhs all tapping their toes to this musical malady that is being blasted from the sound system in every shop, petrol station, hair salon, kebab house, and newsagents throughout the United Kingdom from November till New Years. Where’s George A. Romero<\/a> when you need him? Come to think of it, where’s Dirty Harry<\/a>? (Do you feel lucky, punk?)<\/p>\n

The strange thing is, everyone seems to hate this bloody song, so why does it keep getting so much airplay? I guess it’s like traditional Christmas pudding<\/a> – everyone hates that too, but just try finding one family Christmas dinner in Britain where it isn’t being served. It’s analogous to fruitcake<\/a> in America, which works brilliantly as a door-stopper or laxative, but bears little resemblance to a proper dessert. I doubt even death-row inmates are forced to endure such punishments.<\/p>\n

As for Noddy Holder, he has a lot to answer for. Though I suppose if I were back in the USA, I’d be driven to wall-biting insanity by Bing Crosby<\/a>‘s “White Christmas<\/a>“, which offers up its own special brand of nausea, albeit with a more American flavour. Oh man, some people just won’t die, no matter how much you might want them to. I suspect it will be the same with Noddy Holder.<\/p>\n

Which leads me to the whole point of this blog post. There’s only one cure for this malady which strikes Great Britain every year at Christmastime and sends millions of its inhabitants gagging and heaving to the nearest gutter or toilet – and that’s to rid this island nation of the great menace itself. And yes, folks, it can <\/em>be done!<\/p>\n

We have to take matters into our own hands. After all, do you see Amnesty International<\/a> coming to our rescue? Hell no. We’re on our own. So that means we need to take drastic action against this musical pestilence lest it rears its ugly head again next <\/em>Christmas (and you just know it will!). So what I’m proposing is this: the Death to Noddy Holder Fan Club<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I urge you to take up arms now and enlist. Who knows? If we band together in battle, we might be lucky enough to spend Christmas 2010 with one less agony to endure. So let’s see some of that fighting spirit that made Britain great. It worked during World War II – it can work again!<\/p>\n

The full unadulterated evil of this menace can be found here. Watch and listen if you dare! http:\/\/www.youtube.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Well, yet another Christmas has passed and if you’re anything like me, it tends to bounce right off, leaving not so much as a dent. However, even us expat Scrooges can’t avoid some of that “Christmas cheer”. I’m speaking, of course, of the one kind of Christmas cheer that can turn even the most mild-mannered […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"sfsi_plus_gutenberg_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_show_text_before_share":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_type":"","sfsi_plus_gutenberg_icon_alignemt":"","sfsi_plus_gutenburg_max_per_row":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1782,1784],"tags":[1197,1198,1185,1186,54,97,1184,1196,1183,1195,1179,1180,1200,1199,1193,1194,1181,1182,1189,1190,292,716,1191,1192,1177,1178,1176,1187,1188],"class_list":["post-4538","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-artsandentertainment-2","category-randomandcrazy-2","tag-amnesty-international","tag-amnestyinternational","tag-bing-crosby","tag-bingcrosby","tag-bison-frise","tag-christmas","tag-christmas-number-ones","tag-christmas-pudding","tag-christmasnumberones","tag-christmaspudding","tag-cliff-richard","tag-cliffrichard","tag-dirty-harry","tag-dirtyharry","tag-george-a-romero","tag-georgearomero","tag-hit-songs","tag-hitsongs","tag-merry-x-mas-everybody","tag-merryxmaseverybody","tag-mitzi-szereto","tag-mitziszereto","tag-night-of-the-living-dead","tag-nightofthelivingdead","tag-noddy-holder","tag-noddyholder","tag-slade","tag-white-christmas","tag-whitechristmas"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mitziszereto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4538","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mitziszereto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mitziszereto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mitziszereto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mitziszereto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4538"}],"version-history":[{"count":39,"href":"https:\/\/mitziszereto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4538\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5531,"href":"https:\/\/mitziszereto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4538\/revisions\/5531"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mitziszereto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4538"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mitziszereto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4538"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mitziszereto.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4538"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}