If you’re a regular Facebook user (yup, I’m on about those guys again!), no doubt you’ve come across the endless barrage of quizzes aimed at pumping up your ego and making you appear to be a far better and far more superior human being than you actually are. Frankly, I’ve had about enough of these nauseating boosts for the ego. Just think, if we had this many wonderful, giving, loving, saintly, selfless people living in this world, it would truly be paradise – and we wouldn’t be in the big fat mess we’re in.
But we all know that we don’t, and it isn’t.
Let’s get real. The developers of these ego-stroking quizzes need to start making these apps more representative of modern-day society, rather than this barf-bag orgy of vomit we’ve been seeing all over the place. I say develop quizzes for REAL people, the people we meet every day, the people we work with, the people we drive on the freeways and motorways with, the people we ride on the subways and buses with, the people we live with or live next door to, the people we give our hearts to and take to our beds to love with.
I’m sure you’re going to accuse me of being a pessimist. Well, I prefer to say I’m a realist. I mean, there’s only so many times you can get kicked in the crotch before you finally wake up and smell the latte.
So here are some examples of the kinds of quizzes I believe more accurately portray the world in which we live (and they’re automatically copyrighted by having been published here, so developers – keep your geeky little hands off!):
♦ Which Kind of Nasty Sociopathic Neighbour Are You?
♦ Which Kind of Jealous Vicious Trouble-Making Best Friend Are You?
♦ Which Kind of Scumbag Cheating Husband/Wife/Boyfriend/Girlfriend Are You?
♦ Which Kind of I-Make-Everybody-Sick Soccer Mom Are You?
♦ Which Kind of Meddling Parent/Inlaw/Relative Are You?
♦ Which Kind of Skanky Trailer-Park Trash Are You?
♦ Which Kind of Lager-Lout Football Hooligan Are You?
♦ Which Kind of Sticky-Fingered Shoplifter Are You?
♦ Which Kind of Deadbeat Insurance Defrauder Are You?
♦ Which Kind of I’m-Too-Lazy-To-Get-Off-My-Fat-Ass Welfare Cheat Are You?
We can also extend this to those employed in specific professions:
♦ Which Kind of Shyster Pad-My-Clients’-Bills Lawyer Are You?
♦ Which Kind of Incompetent Never-Once-Cracked-Open-Gray’s-Anatomy Surgeon Are You?
♦ Which Kind of Crooked Raiding-The-Public-Coffers Politician Are You?
♦ Which Kind of Scamming Madoff-Loving Investment Consultant Are You?
♦ Which Kind of Embezzling Empty-My-Clients’-Pockets Accountant Are You?
♦ Which Kind of Thieving Overpaid/Over-Bonused Banker Are You?
And lastly, for those who hail from, shall we say, the more fringe elements of society:
♦ Which Kind of Fanatical Political Terrorist Are You?
♦ Which Kind of Psychopathic Serial Killer Are You?
♦ Which Kind of Dimwitted Facebook Application Developer Are You?
(Oops………………….)
Please feel free to add more!
i’m a “see a great post and swipe it for my facebook page” type of person. heh. I’m so dang sick of the quizzes on my feeds. 😀
I’m an underpaid spammer, but I guess there’s only one type, so it wouldn’t make for a very good questionnaire.
I love you stuff it is great!!!!!!!! I would have to take the what kind of I make everybody sick soccer mom HA HA HEE HEE yes I would love to see your quizzes up and love your facebook application developer remark have to pass this along the my sister you both think alike ….and I like it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just took a superficial quiz on “What kind of political thinker are you?” I gave answers that were as clearly libertarian in most cases as liberal plus there were no gradations other than “strongly favor, favor, oppose, strongly oppose.” In labeling me “very liberal” the absurd non sequitur of “near Stalin’s backyard” or something to that effect. This was bloody ridiculous since by supplying answers about strongly opposing challenges to civil liberties a non sequitur declaration was made about liberals being close to Stalin’s backyard. His form of Communism was totalitarian and my responses were promotive of freedom instead of having a cop posted at people’s doors and their private mail read in the pursuit of the “war on terror.” One man I know on Facebook who is very much a populist who praises Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich and had good things to say about other progressives was labeled as a “conservative modeled after Reagan” or words to that effect.
After this absurd rubbish I have had my fill of such quasi-information surveys that are phony, inti-intellectual, and a waste of time. This is the last time I have wasted mine on such rubbish.
so does this mean you aren’t going to take my “which kind of psychopathic serial killer are you” quiz? i am sure it will be far more accurate than the quizzes of which you speak!
No, I was bracketing those that I thought were absurd and I have had my fill of those. After I have had some sleep after just getting back from successful diagnostic surgery I will try your quiz out. I was referring to the statement I read that was spot on when it came to certain superficial quizes. This quiz sounds very intriguing and I will certainly give it a try. I will admit that this is a fascinating concept. I only hope it does not hit me personally close to home since I am almost dead certain that a relative of the same name as mine, William Hare “The Bodysnatcher,” keeps Hitler company at Madame Tussaud’s “Chamber of Horrors” in London.
No, sorry, I was bracketing those that I found superficial as well as unimaginative and a waste of time. I look forward to participating in your quiz. It sounds very intriguing and has an imaginative base so I am eager to participate. I only hope that it does not hit too close to home for me personally since I am almost certain that I am a relative of the William Hare that bears my identical name who along with Burke was a “bodysnatcher” and keeps Hitler company at Madame Tussaud’s “Chamber of Horrors” in London.
great. now i’m REALLY worried! 😉
i am also worried about the google ads now appearing on this page – “is your man a sociopath?” and “living with a sociopath?” hmm… they clearly have some knowledge of my previous relationship.
You forgot, annoying self-righteous Christian
oh i could do an entire blog on them.
Oh dear. You mean I’m not Frida in Woolf’s clothing and don’t have to finish my days in Vancouver?
Oh, but I’ve feel so much better now that I know which Muppet I am! I’ve been wondering for YEARS, and finally there was a quiz on facebook that let me know!
😉
Hmm, feel free to add more? How about “What kind of bend-over-and-take-it car salesman are you?”
And if I want to tread on dangerous ground (with only a little self-reference ;), I could say “What kind of tortured,misunderstood,waiting-for-everyone-to-recognize-your-genius,victim-of-the-publishing-industry writer are you?”
🙂